Human Contact

When was the last time you were hugged?

Not just any hug, a REAL hug. It is the whole-hearted embrace from someone holding you close to their hearts. It is not the spine-crackingly tight ones, but the one that is strong, and firm enough that it makes you feel safe to let your guard down. The feeling of security it gives makes you collapse, perhaps even unintentionally, and succumb to the emotions and insecurities you have held within. It is the hug that holds you long enough, until u can find the strength within yourself to let go and get back on your feet. It is the hug that is so wholesome, you feel you'd never want to leave. It is the hug that says I love you, and if love were enough, you will never be sad again.

Not everybody is fortunate enough to have had that experience. I have, and I have my dad to thank for it.

Two years ago on a rainy evening, my dad accidentally walked in on me and saw me crying. I was curled up on the recliner, listening to my walkman. I remember it was Simple Plan, but don't quite recall the reason for my grief. Though he was concerned, I managed to make him believe it was nothing, and he left. The next day, I was to go back to Penang. So at the airport before i crossed to departures, we all exchanged goodbyes and well wishes. I was still rather solemn, but I guess I was OK. Then out of the blue, my dad just reached out and hugged me. I don't remember him saying anything, but that hug meant the world to me, making it so much harder for me to drag my feet to the departure gates. I noticed that i had wet his shirt with my tears. I don't remember how or when i did eventually overcome my grief, but the feeling of that hug is what I can't and refuse to forget.

Why am I writing this? Well, recently I met a friend whom I haven't seen for what seems to feel like eternity (it was actually just a few months). In my anticipation, I had talked myself many times into asking for consent to share a real hug, for friendship's sake. I guess because its just been so long; I just wanted my friend to know how important the friendship still is to me. But when the time came, I just couldn't do it. God knows i really wanted to; my friend was just there and yet i just couldn't reach out to grab this person who was looking right back at me. It hurt so bad, my chest could explode. And when we parted ways, I broke down in tears. I know I've lost my chance and it is my own fault. I don't even know when we'll meet again. Even if we do meet, what would the state of our friendship be? How would each of us turn out as individuals? Or, heaven forbid, would we still even be friends?

In the past two years, the relationship with my father has been rocky, even turbulent at times. But no matter how bad it gets, or how further apart we would become, I still have the memory of that special hug he gave me. Thank you for showing me what a hug can be, and what a hug truly means, daddy.

My lesson from these two events : when you think someone needs a hug, or when you yourself need hug, never hesitate to share it with your loved one. You never know when you'll get your next chance. Everybody needs assurance that there is someone, somewhere amidst the deafening silence of our everyday crowds that loves us and would do anything to wipe our tear-stricken face. Someone once said, it is a terrible feeling to be lonely; but when there are so many lonely people out there, it will be incredibly selfish to be lonely all by yourself. And with that, I end my post.

Follow-up Post

The continuation. It's just that since I am talking about the arts, I thought that I'd list my track record. I may be a complete virgin about The Scene in Malaysia, but that doesn't mean i haven't been involved with anything of the sorts in the academic institutions I've been in. To me, art is about expression. so here i am listing everything I can recall about my involvement in things that have anything to do with expression and the arts.

Dance

1996 'Wau Bulan' (I did portions of the choreography)
1999 'You Drive Me Crazy' (I did portions of the choreography)
2001 'You Rock My World' (It was for aerobics, we only used half the song but
i did 90% of the steps. We won first place inter-class!)
Inter-class Cheerleading. I just added here and there (I was a last minute
recruit!)
Some multi-cultural dance we did with a Hindi song. (i did portions of the
choreography)
2003 'We've Got It Going On' (aerobics, full-song, and I did it 95%. we scored
pretty good)
2006 Koi Mil Gaya (just a few minutes of the song for my play When Aci Met
Nana)
Yeh Ladka Hai Deewana (same as above)

Choral Speaking

1997 Save Some For Us (I was conductor, but teachers handled everything)
1998 Pied Piper
1999 i don't remember the title, but i was conductor and handled everything
2000 Mr. & Mrs. Obesity. (we went to the state level in 2001 with this one and
ended up 4th. i wasn't the conductor but i handled 85% of everything)
'Madah Berpuisi' = BM version of choral speaking. (i wasn't the conductor,
but handled 75%. we won!)

Music

-2002 I'm a grade 5 pianist (a lousy one!)
1996 school choir
1997 orchestrated the chorus singing for the English Club group performances
2000 school choir 'extras'
2005 college 6 choir (orientation week)
orchestrated chorus singing for Minggu Mesra Pelajar closing ceremony (i
even had a solo line)

Acting

1997 group performances withing the class (i was a bangladeshi with a mental
illness)
i played the role of the typical makcik-mother (we never got to perform
though)
patriotic themed PUISIDRA in which i played a rubber tapper
1999 class group performance (i wrote the script and all, but don't quite
remember the storyline; i know it had a queen....it was awful)
2000 wrote & acted in a play for the Karate Club luncheon (rather disastrous)
won Best Actress during the Karate picnic (i played the role of a retarded
beggar)
wrote & acted a class play for Teacher's Day (we didn't get to perform...it
wouldn't have worked anyway)
auditioned for The Red and Gold Shoe musical under Teater Muda (i got
the part, but my parents were concerned about the practise schedule
intefering with my academics so, i didn't follow through)
2002 MRSM Taiping's adaptation of Romeo and Juliet called Remy and Julia for
the Minggu Bahasa Zon Utara ( I played the Sultanah and i dont quite
remember the character it was based upon)
class group performance of The Necklace ( I prepared the script & I won
Best Actress)
2004 PUISIDRA for Malam Emas PASUM (our VC loved it!)
2005 PUISIDRA for the closing of Sambutan Minggu Kemerdekaan Kolej 1, 2 & 6
2006 wrote+acted+directed+choreographed When Aci Met Nana for the 6th
College Alumni Dinner performance (a desperate, last-minute request from
a friend to perform a sketch)

Since I'm proclaiming the exictence of my artistic side to the world, I might as well add that I also write poems occasionally. Most of them aren't worth reading, but some of them are rather clever & creative for the average layman i must say. I know what I'm writing here is a useless track record ( i mean, i can't use any of these to write in a resume), but this is a reminder to myself of what i was (and maybe still am) capable of.

So, the post is finally finished. U may say I'm making something out of nothing, but these events were really important to me especially now that I am rediscovering LIFE! So, enough of my gloating already. Thanks for checking in!

And I would like to thank The Academy...

For the past 6 Saturdays, I've been going for a class at The Academy. What class? Well...Let's just call it GOAT, it's sort of an acting class. Forgive me for being vague. I'm thankful that the Teacher decided to take in a bigger class; that gave me my chance of joining. But I must also thank a certain Anis Akmal for giving me the nudge i needed to actually register.

Keeping it real, GOAT has its share of fun. It was an eye-opener for me, giving me an 'overview' of the sub-zero world of entertainment in Malaysia (mind you, the more quality entertainment). The quesion now : did i get what I wanted out of the class? Not exactly. I wanted a new circle of friends (didn't quite happen) I wanted to be actively taught the ways of the performing arts (nada) I wanted a refreshing, fulfilling, 'self-discovering' experience (sort of but not quite). What I least appreciated was having to compromise my own principles of human contact (no offense to others). What did i gain from GOAT?

1) i have new acquaintances. (the words 'friend' is very intimate to me)
2) i realized how uptight i can be about having fun and letting myself loose
3) i now know my voice is too soft and that i sometimes mumble, plus the fact i am completely silenced/drowned in group discussions (not entirely my fault)
4) i am exposed to, and gained more knowlegde of 'The Scene'
5) i realize how incapacitatingly self-concious i am about how my personality comes across and about the things i really care about (wanting to be good at it)
6) i now know i don't trust people with my handiworks (aida, u r lucky) and my ideas : i have to do it my way, by myself to truly be satisfied
7) i learned to accept that no matter where you go, you are bound to have idiots on your team and that not everyone can accept your brand of creativity
8 ) i realized that i have to be more assertive about sticking to my principles (at the risk of being called a bitch) before i lose my own self-respect : it's better to lose others' respect than your own
9) i can finally see that i am actually broke even though i dont make high puchases : the small ones add up to quite a sum
10) i should have a lil more 'drive', zest, gusto, enthusiasm, commitment in the things i choose to do

So, the road not taken : "O, I kept the first for another day!" Well, that 'day' was GOAT, and am I going to venture down the path? Yes, but probably not in the near future.

Before GOAT, I have been involved with performances when I was in school. Why -even with all these involvements- am I still not good enough? In my opinion, it's because I've never had a mentor, a teacher, or (as cocky as this may sound) someone better than me that I can learn from. I just replicate what i see from movies and videoclips and add my own twists to them. This is why, for now, I am soughting after classes that would both enhance/exercise my creativity and complement my academic schedule perfectly. To me, it's now or never. Any academic would know how demanding it is to be in the medical line. By next year I'll have internships and in the following years, I'll start to be on-call for round-the-clock duty. The first year after graduating, I'll be a house officer, which translates as 'hospital slave' (seriously, my senior now works from 6.30am-9.00pm and is on call 3 or 4 nights a week!). After that, its off to my post-graduate studies (I do intend to become a specialist) and years of adjusting to life as a qualified physician (and marriage, perhaps?). So tell me, enlighten me, how am I going to juggle my creative hobbies with that kind of schedule?

Since I have a penchant for writing long blog entries, I guess I shall split this one in two. So... I'm not done yet!!

Escort of A Beauty Queen

Well, well. The idea of this post came months ago, but a question asked by a dear old friend prompted me to write it up. The question-of-the-year "What's wrong with being superficial?". (Frankly, I almost puked at her gall for even asking ME such a thing)

True to the genetic codes embedded in one's inherited DNA, some people are born more beautiful than others. Facial features at harmony with one another, the stature 'just right' and skin with flawless complexion. But as they say, everybody's beautiful in their own special way. Look around you; observe what's going on and you know that's crap. So, I am here talking about the people whom society view to be 'the pretty ones', as encoded by DNA.

It's not really my fault that I have beautiful friends. Most of which, I knew even before the blossomed into society's eye-candy. So we go out, just hanging around and here comes a sad bunch of wolf-whistlers, oggling at a certain someone in our group, desperate for attention from non-other than the Beauty Queen. On a different occasion comes a wandering hand, groping at dear old Beauty Queen's ass while lining up for McD's. Switch the scenario to one with the more intelligent breed of men. So as all of us sit down for a chat, these 'suitors' make an equal amount of conversation with everyone, just being friendly and enjoying the company. A few days later, Beauty Queen gets 'the callback'. Funny how you can say these situations resemble auditions. This Beauty Queen would, more often that not, turn them down after a period of 'getting-to-know-them'.

And so the same thing happens eveytime we go out. It doesn't take a genius to know that everyone else is getting sick at how these 'suitors' time and time again go after the Beauty Queen. The rest of us, are just people who happen to be around her at that moment in time. Just escorts of the Beauty Queen; entities that are not meant to attract. We are the styrofoam and bubblewraps that come along in the box of you brand new television set. As I said earlier, although 'suitors' are equally pleased with the quirks of the escorts, at the end of the day, we don't exist. Invisible, disappeared into oblivion, and next time around they go "...and you are?". Some of the sleazier ones actually bother to befriend escorts, and after enough time has lapsed not to be rendered as 'desperate', would actually enquire as to the status and well-being of the Beauty Queen.

Sickening isn't it, being regarded as an escort? Although we know we have just as much (or maybe more) to offer than the Beauty Queen, we are being brushed aside. Don't get me wrong, Beauty Queen doesn't mistreat us in any way. It's all good and friendly. It's just that where suitor's are concerned, we apparently become invisible just because we didn't win the genetic lottery. So just once, I wished someone would take a second glance of me for what I have to offer instead of taking second glances of the Beauty Queen I am with. I'm not envious of the attention given by the sleazy wolf-whistling degenerate morsels of society, but the ones with more integrity. For the 'suitors' who failed to win ye fair maiden's heart and suddenly show interest in us humble escorts (especially once they realize we ARE females) : thanks, but I personally refuse to be a consolation prize. Even lifelong escorts have their pride.

Back to the question "what's wrong with being superficial?". Well Beauty Queen, if I were you, I'd be sick of the way people treat you so superficially and cease all cosmetic tweakings. Why go through all the trouble to feed the idiosynchrosies of the typical pool of 'suitors'? It may not necessarily be your fault, but there are things that you can do to elevate the expectations and open the eyes of these occasionally unfortunate souls. It's up to people like you to divert the attention of 'suitors' to something better : substance

I quote Memoirs of a Geisha : " An autobiography would be like asking a rabbit how he looks like while jumping around in the field. A memoir, on the other hand, would be the rabbit's view of the field while he's jumping about, and of course, his thoughts and emotions while doing so". So to my readers, this is MY view of the 'field' and the 'players' of this 'game'; since I am obviously not IN the game but somewhere, peeking from the sidelines. After all, rabbits are shy creatures, right? *wink* And I'll leave you to that.

Fossilised

Goodness. My blog has been neglected for so long, it seems that my last post was made in the Cretaceous period or something. There are so many events, so much emotion and so many ideas i want to put down, ever since before the start of term. Yes, people, I am talking about things that have unfolded since the 3-month holiday we had ages ago. Until now, the memories are fossilised somewhere within the neuronal bodies of my grey matter. Here goes the EVENT summary :

1. Langkawi trip with The 5. It was such a refreshing experience and I'm thankful to get everything that I had wanted out of it, and am so very, very grateful that the trip was actually executed. So many things happened preceeding and following the actual trip where planning, emotions and money are concerned. But I must say the best treasure i got from the whole thing, is a friendship rekindled. (Pictures will be uploaded the next time i remember to go online!) That's all I'll say for now, because more of it will be on the photo captions.

2. The start of Phase 2 MBBS. Mind you, the faculty organization was more haphazard than my room that we began classes without knowing where to go or what what on earth we are to learn. The timetable wasn't even out yet! so, from a great holiday playing with water and sand, I came back here to be dealing with shit...literally. Our first few practicals were on stool examination. What a drastic transition from fantasy to reality. On the brighter side of things, I really like my labmates this year. To me, we have a better group dynamic in comparison to my previous lab. Also this academic year, I am no longer living on campus. I am staying with my grandma at Section 14 PJ. Which means, I drive myself to class everyday! (Can u believe it? Most of my friends, myself included, took quite some time to adjust to that fact) I love my little 'apartment'. Its more than a room, less than a house. Perfect.

3. Puteri Gunung Ledang the Musical. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Brilliant. I'm glad I got to watch it this time around, thanks to my grandma. There were 6 of us, my grandma, my mum, my sis, myself, Ili, oNe. I was supposed to go with my other friends (Deanna), but I'm not complaining : we got better seats. My only regret : not staying back for autographs (which Deanna did! lucky her), but that's the price you pay when going with family. About the play itself, I can't decide who was best because they all played their parts so well, everything blended in perfectly. The music and costumes were majestic, 'grandeur', but still knowing their place and not overpowering/stealing the show. The dancing was fabulous, props were extremely well-coordinated. The acting, hypnotic and breathtaking. Seriously! I gained a newfound respect for Datin Seri Tiara Jacquelina for having vision, realizing it, and followed through. Perhaps from reviews by other laymen as myself (meaning if u read their blogs), you may say I am exaggerating my response to a first-time experience. But trust me, even theatre enthusiasts agree that PGLM is in a class of its own.

4. Midsemester break. Very eventful. For one thing, my dad was in town for 2 weeks. I spent quite a few nights there at his penthouse, weeknights included. Though he came back on last-minute notice, I was glad to see him. I never realised i missed him so much, tears came down at the mere thought of me running to him and giving him a big, bear-hug. But, that will never happen because time with my father is never my own. Everytime he's back, there will be relatives, there's jet-lag, not to mention my stepmum. I miss the times back in MRSM when it was just Daddy and me (I don't even want my sis to be around!).

5. Also during the midsemester break was Ezureen's engagement. Such a grand occasion for an engagement. Know this : she was beautiful. It's weird describing Ezureen with these words, but here goes : dainty, feminine, 'ayu anak dara', calm & collected. Seriously! Also, it was nice to see my ex-MRSM friends there. Anyway, her fiance` is not bad either. I'm just happy that he actually sat down and chat with us. I wish them a successful engagement and do sincerely hope to attend the wedding in 4 years time.

6. Also during midsemester break, I couldn't attend Belle's kenduri doa selamat because Ezureen's kenduri was running late. Anyway, the day before was my 514 class gathering. It was nice to see them again, although there were only 9 of us there. I admit that I was originally hesitant about going, but I'm glad I did. I just wished more people could have made it. I thought I was out-of-touch with the goings-on of MRSM friends, turns out that I ended filling everyone in! Back in Penang, also during the midsemester break, my mother received Anugerah Nur Mutiara, in conjunction with the state's celebration of Hari Wanita. Her picture and quote was in The Star the next day. Really proud of her. Ironic, because just a few weeks earlier her mother received an award, Tokoh Perintis Pembangunan Wanita, something like that, on Hari Wanita as well.

7. Back in class, studies are going somewhere i guess, but I don't know where! Most of our CONASS papers are over (a whole other issue about the haphazard management), I hope to pass. I had enough of E's last year and I'm sure I don't want them anymore! I do hope results will be out ASAP.

Ok. Now that was LONG. My brain actually feels lighter having unearthed the fossils. I'll be writing again soon, because I still have a lot more to share. Alright then. Thanks for checking in!

20

And so the 15th of May has come and gone, and I am now 20 years old. Some may argue that turning 20 is no big deal, that it is at 21 that the real fun starts. When I was still running around back in my juvenile days I always saw 20-year-olds as adults, people who roam on the face of the earth with purpose, ready to fly from their nests at any given moment. Basically, people who are already in control of what they want and where their life is headed. People who already have that strong sense of self with one foot on the ground and the other, not far behind.

I had been doing a lot of thinking in the days preceeding my birthday. After all that has happened, I am not 20 but 34. I realized that I've been mentally and emotionally exhausted too many times, leaving me a bit haggard for my age. As much of my energy in the past few years has been diverted to the 'unseen' aspects, it has left the growth of the physical and aesthetic parts of my life stunted. So on that aspect, I am 16. Still a clueless teenager confused in a world of women's magazines and MTV. Not to mention the endless clashes of culture and religion with fashion, entertainment and socializing. It is tough being a girl of this age (20), in this era (2000s), even more so if you are not particularly gifted in the looks department, or if you do not have the 'flirt factor' or 'sex appeal' as your secret weapon. Girls can be so cheap, sheesh. Seriously, to the women of the world, i ask you to keep all your powers of seduction in the bedroom and play fair. Never exploit the weaknesses of men and start exploring your own strengths to their greatest potential.

Sorry for sidetracking, hehe. Now where was I.....

Oh yeah. In my trail of thoughts, I came to realize that I haven't been doing anything with my life the past few years. I have tried so hard to be there for others in their times of need that it sometimes gets me frustrated when they don't call or whenever I'm told that my advice didn't help. I admit, i may have interfered a bit when I shouldn't have but they've always thanked me in the end. With my family, I stayed in the sidelines most of the time hoping there would not be another fight. I was always up for it whenever friends ask to go out, or just come to sit and chat. I've been there for some; helping them bounce back from hardship or celebrating with them in their moment of glory. My time is filled with asking people what they are currently doing, and offering advice to the ones in need. In other words, I've been watching the people I care about go through their lives every day. I have become, a witness (hence, the nickname). Its about time I cared less about people and what they think; because most of the time, people don't care! Even the ones you thought would be with you till the end.

Turning 20. What other thoughts came to mind?
1) everything that comes out of my mouth is a complain; everything that goes in is unhealthy
2) my time is not my own, it belongs to the people but i'm not a country leader.
3) my need to regain the independence and self-esteem i've lost
4) join a club, join a class, go places, try things. u get the picture

Result of that much thinking (in circles, if you may see it that way) : 1 week of 70% pure happiness. It was the happiest I've felt in a month or so before my birthday. Heck, I was laughing instead of crying before falling asleep.

OK. Enough of my self-absorbed thoughts. Thank you for enduring the pain of reading through it. Adios muchachos!

A Foolish Mind...guilty as charged

It's been a while since I've updated my blog, but nobody really reads it so it doesn't matter. I had written 2 articles or so to publish, but left them in KL. Also, I thought of writing the basic summary of my life since medical school; in the form of an analogy entitled My Life As A Follicle. To my friends who already know what that's all about, well, I guess I'll leave it to that.

I remember hanging out with a group of people over lunch and finding myself attracted to a certain guy. It's not the first time it's happened : me falling for someone. And as usual, the normal female mind (or at least what i presume to be normal) would wander into the endless possibbilities, scenarios and consequences of actions or lack thereof. From there rises foolish hopes and dreams only to be shaken back to reality after time has lapsed. This cycle of events seem pointless, even to myself, and I wonder why do I have to keep seeking people's approval, attention, appraisal, and most of all, why do I fall for members of the opposite sex too easily? The dependence of a foolish mind, guilty as charged.

This holidays. I have been looking forward to go to UK n stay with my father for a month. Although I have to admit, I have another foolish agenda planned during the visit which I will not elaborate here. And it is this foolish agenda that has continued to dominate and eventually overrule my intentions of travelling as unforseen events unfolded between my father and I. As more time passed, the more reluctant I am to go and today, I decided not to. I did not tell him how I am feeling right now because I know from experience that it will do me no good. That said, he told me it was a foolish decision. The offer of the vacation was as easy to refuse as tears would flow from my broken heart. Never mind my unsettled emotions, to him all my thoughts have been poisoned against him by my maternal relations. The weaknees of a foolish mind, guilty as charged.

The age-old habit of mine : procrastination. May it be in sorting out life goals, chores or studying. To me, the one that affects me most is my studies, but I never keep to a proper schedule long enough for it to be incorporated into my lifestyle. As a result, last-minute exam revisions during study week, panic attacks and emotional breakdowns included. I know what I have to do, and how to do it, it's just poor execution. Why? Maybe it is laziness, ego, fear, and/or time management. I study at the last minute and still expect to get good results. If I fail, I lose my already-low motivation. If I succeed, the vicious cycle repeats. The passiveness of a foolish mind, guilty as charged.

Eizlan vs Adib

Last Sunday I received a message from Safwan; a message forwarded by Eizlan's elder sis. He was involved in a very bad accident. He n a friend were on a motorcycle (him driving) when they were hit by a car. Apparently, it happened at 3am Friday in Gelugor (that's where I live!!!). In time, i gathered this : Eizlan was badly injured; his face smashed, arm and hip fractured, leg burned, lungs bleeding. He was in a coma. Hospitalized at Penang General Hospital. Earlier today, a group of us went to see him : Iyas, Umairah, Abu, Saufi, Arif, Salam, Yosi, Bonbes, Hafizuddin, Arif (anjang) n myself. He's conscious, but hooked to a respirator. When I went in, i felt heavy in my chest. He merely nodded and blinked whenever i said something. I admit, i had to hold back tears. I spoke to his mum earlier, her calmness probably from the relief that her son's going to be OK, and from how much he's improved within the week.

The whole situation was overwhelming to me. Here i am in front of the ICU, with a bunch of ex-MRSM Taiping students to whom I've never spoken to, chatting wih a woman I've never seen in my life (Eizlan's mum). What was sad, for me, was the fact that I've never spoken to Eizlan before. The first conversation had to be when he's critically injured, lying in the hospital ward unable to talk. Have I been snobbish, hanging out only with a certain bunch of people?

The whole Eizlan situation reminds me of my ex-classmate in Form 4, Adib. He was just a few months in when he had the chicken pox. We thought he was having the time of his life 'extending' his 'vacation'. It was only later that we found out that he had been in an accident. He was crossing the street to get some stationery b4 heading back to Taiping, when a speeding car rammed into him. His head broke the car's windshield and he sustained minor cuts and bruises. He was in a coma for a while. When he came out of it, he couldn't really speak and he's lost his memory. His speech eventually came back, but his memory only partial. Though he tried so hard to recall, it proved to be too much of a strain on him. I honestly dont know his whereabouts, or how he's been lately. The last i know was that he repeated Form 4 in a normal day school somewhere in Selangor the following year.

Well...A lot has happened since we left MRSM Taiping. Many parents of peers have come to pass, even siblings. But the impact is a lot stronger when it happens to your peers. That's all I have to say for now. To anyone who reads this, just say a prayer for these 2 individuals regardless of your religion. God Bless.

Insight

Well well... I finally got my results and I passed! This is the most meaningful 'C' in my life. 55% of the students failed, so I'm thankful I passed. Before the results were officially out, there was speculation that either 75 PERCENT or 75 PERSON who failed. Some individuals prefer if it were 75%, bacause according to them, at least there will be more people who fail together with them. personally, i disagree with that stand. Never accept nor expect failure until it comes around and bites. Even so, the pain shouldn't last very long and all that should remain is the scar.

Alumni Dinner. Glad the drama is over. I had so much trouble in getting the performance together. Not only did i have to write the script n direct the overall production, i also had to act in it, recruit the cast and choreograph the dances. Thanks to the narrator that dropped out in the last minute, I ended up narrating as well. Hectic and exhausting. My mum n sis came, taped the performances of the night. I have to admit, i was greatly dissapointed after watching myself on tape. Other than that, oNe and I are just glad to finally be able to watch Aaqil n his band perform. I mean, we've heard so much about it throughout PASUM, plus Aaqil had 'poyo'-ly refused to play during our class party last year. So its only natural that we were acting like a bunch of estrogen-charged groupies beneath the masks of formality.

I've suddenly come to miss my Karate days so much. I wish to continue if given the chance though I've forgotten most of what I've learnt. Since its 2006, its been about 5 years since i last did my Karate. Wednesday night classes in college 12 clashes with my schedule. First, there's the Mandarin classes. Second, I'll be too tired to walk all the way back and be ready for class the next morning. Since stopping my Karate n tennis lessons in Form 3, I've gained at least 10kg. As most girls know, it's gonna take forever to lose them. Oh well.

I talk too much. But hey, its MY blog, right? Not like people read it anyway. Toodles!