Human Contact

When was the last time you were hugged?

Not just any hug, a REAL hug. It is the whole-hearted embrace from someone holding you close to their hearts. It is not the spine-crackingly tight ones, but the one that is strong, and firm enough that it makes you feel safe to let your guard down. The feeling of security it gives makes you collapse, perhaps even unintentionally, and succumb to the emotions and insecurities you have held within. It is the hug that holds you long enough, until u can find the strength within yourself to let go and get back on your feet. It is the hug that is so wholesome, you feel you'd never want to leave. It is the hug that says I love you, and if love were enough, you will never be sad again.

Not everybody is fortunate enough to have had that experience. I have, and I have my dad to thank for it.

Two years ago on a rainy evening, my dad accidentally walked in on me and saw me crying. I was curled up on the recliner, listening to my walkman. I remember it was Simple Plan, but don't quite recall the reason for my grief. Though he was concerned, I managed to make him believe it was nothing, and he left. The next day, I was to go back to Penang. So at the airport before i crossed to departures, we all exchanged goodbyes and well wishes. I was still rather solemn, but I guess I was OK. Then out of the blue, my dad just reached out and hugged me. I don't remember him saying anything, but that hug meant the world to me, making it so much harder for me to drag my feet to the departure gates. I noticed that i had wet his shirt with my tears. I don't remember how or when i did eventually overcome my grief, but the feeling of that hug is what I can't and refuse to forget.

Why am I writing this? Well, recently I met a friend whom I haven't seen for what seems to feel like eternity (it was actually just a few months). In my anticipation, I had talked myself many times into asking for consent to share a real hug, for friendship's sake. I guess because its just been so long; I just wanted my friend to know how important the friendship still is to me. But when the time came, I just couldn't do it. God knows i really wanted to; my friend was just there and yet i just couldn't reach out to grab this person who was looking right back at me. It hurt so bad, my chest could explode. And when we parted ways, I broke down in tears. I know I've lost my chance and it is my own fault. I don't even know when we'll meet again. Even if we do meet, what would the state of our friendship be? How would each of us turn out as individuals? Or, heaven forbid, would we still even be friends?

In the past two years, the relationship with my father has been rocky, even turbulent at times. But no matter how bad it gets, or how further apart we would become, I still have the memory of that special hug he gave me. Thank you for showing me what a hug can be, and what a hug truly means, daddy.

My lesson from these two events : when you think someone needs a hug, or when you yourself need hug, never hesitate to share it with your loved one. You never know when you'll get your next chance. Everybody needs assurance that there is someone, somewhere amidst the deafening silence of our everyday crowds that loves us and would do anything to wipe our tear-stricken face. Someone once said, it is a terrible feeling to be lonely; but when there are so many lonely people out there, it will be incredibly selfish to be lonely all by yourself. And with that, I end my post.