A Foolish Mind...guilty as charged

It's been a while since I've updated my blog, but nobody really reads it so it doesn't matter. I had written 2 articles or so to publish, but left them in KL. Also, I thought of writing the basic summary of my life since medical school; in the form of an analogy entitled My Life As A Follicle. To my friends who already know what that's all about, well, I guess I'll leave it to that.

I remember hanging out with a group of people over lunch and finding myself attracted to a certain guy. It's not the first time it's happened : me falling for someone. And as usual, the normal female mind (or at least what i presume to be normal) would wander into the endless possibbilities, scenarios and consequences of actions or lack thereof. From there rises foolish hopes and dreams only to be shaken back to reality after time has lapsed. This cycle of events seem pointless, even to myself, and I wonder why do I have to keep seeking people's approval, attention, appraisal, and most of all, why do I fall for members of the opposite sex too easily? The dependence of a foolish mind, guilty as charged.

This holidays. I have been looking forward to go to UK n stay with my father for a month. Although I have to admit, I have another foolish agenda planned during the visit which I will not elaborate here. And it is this foolish agenda that has continued to dominate and eventually overrule my intentions of travelling as unforseen events unfolded between my father and I. As more time passed, the more reluctant I am to go and today, I decided not to. I did not tell him how I am feeling right now because I know from experience that it will do me no good. That said, he told me it was a foolish decision. The offer of the vacation was as easy to refuse as tears would flow from my broken heart. Never mind my unsettled emotions, to him all my thoughts have been poisoned against him by my maternal relations. The weaknees of a foolish mind, guilty as charged.

The age-old habit of mine : procrastination. May it be in sorting out life goals, chores or studying. To me, the one that affects me most is my studies, but I never keep to a proper schedule long enough for it to be incorporated into my lifestyle. As a result, last-minute exam revisions during study week, panic attacks and emotional breakdowns included. I know what I have to do, and how to do it, it's just poor execution. Why? Maybe it is laziness, ego, fear, and/or time management. I study at the last minute and still expect to get good results. If I fail, I lose my already-low motivation. If I succeed, the vicious cycle repeats. The passiveness of a foolish mind, guilty as charged.