Student Doctor

Who would've thought that a change of 'title' can be so scary? from Medical Student to Student Doctor, and suddenly a big nutritious gulp of saliva and panting, gasping for air. This is really happening.

Klang. Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah. Level 6. Paediatrics. Shit. I'm not used to being around kids. Now i'm surrounded by kids. Sick kids. Sick, irritable kids. Sick, irritable, crying kids. Everyday. 8 to 5. I've been thrown to the deep end of clinical medicine.

On my first day, all of us in Paeds received our syllabus & timetable for the next 8 weeks. A timetable so full, there's no room for replacement classes in case anything comes up; marking the beginning my hyperventilation. Second day : you are expected to finish clerking your patient(s) by today. First thought : what the hell is clerking? well, i just improvised as the days went by. From haphazard attempts at history taking, to tagging along Housemen, to asking nurses to help interpret case files (fantastic handwriting & funky short forms). Eventually getting the hang of structuring the interviews, and shyly progressing to physical examination. Everybody I see seem to know more than me. During the 6 weeks in UM before Klang & the ward rounds during second year, we've never taken a complete history, let alone perform a physical exam. I hardly know what to do. Its been 3 weeks now, and i'm still trying to get a hang of it. Still incomplete n not systematic.

Professor Snape wasn't helping. saddistic. evil & saddistic. wicked, evil & saddistic. Malicious, wicked, evil & saddistic. His knowledge is nothing short of fantastic, but my gaseous aerosol knowledge don't serve me too good. I'd be lying if i said I haven't shed tears. Ha ha.

Every weekend I re-enter civilization; to return to the joys of air-conditioning, the internet, and the washing machine. That's it. Meeting up with friends or movies or just hanging out seems so far fetched. Prior engagements have to be made. I even get pissed at the sound of my handphone, ringing at the moment i lay my head to rest. Not like they ever say anything remotely useful most of the time. Wait no, thats not true. I like it when friends call. At least i know i'm not alone. Family, well, they tend to pick my most difficult times to create a crisis in which i have to act as glue no matter my distance (read : f4 MRSM, early PASUM). Fantastic.

The best thing that happened since Klang, was when I went for my family bbq at dad's. My sister & Lisya surprised me with a cake, chocolate indulgence to be exact. The message wrote : Happy Future Doctor-ing TATAK. I was honestly so touched that someone did something so nice....to anyone! My sis wanted more of my friends to come, as a surprise, because i was having a rough first week. But, friends being so-called as they are, always busy with God-knows-what....i dont even wanna think about it. They dont wanna be part of it then screw them.

But i cannot forget the feeling i had, the moment i exited the hospital compound, with my car stereo playing the PGLM soundtrack at volume 50...it was a "Dobby is free" moment; Leaving it all behind....who cares that i'm stuck in a jam. That night, i met up with Ili n Nizam, we had our Merdeka mamak-ing session at Pelita Bangsar, chatting till almost 4am. Timing was perfect, coz nothing beats seeing familiar faces after being deported to Land Before Time.

Expectations are high, and i am neck-deep in pending revisions. Physiology and Pathology, my two weakest (and most disliked) subjects in years past has now turned out to be THE backbone, THE heart & soul.

As i've always said, take things as they come. I'm just gonna go through with this whole 'medic' thing. Graduate, go through with my housemanship and then settle the 3-year government bonding. What happens after that, God knows. Hope i would've found my love for medicine, or the preachy desire to help people by then.