It's Saturday, 22nd October 2005 , around 30 minutes before midnight. My father has been staying in Sheffield for about 3 months now, roughly the same amount of time since I've started medical school. I've been up, and I've been down. I've even failed for my very first time. I remember the feeling i had when I first heard my results. It was a feeling of numbness, laced with remorse and false humour. I got Es for both Biochemistry and Physiology.
Adapting to the lifestyle isn't easy; ironically, it is deja vu of the life in MRSM Taiping and not really in a good way. Alternating waves of depression, rebellion and isolation, as if I don't belong. I don't deny the times i had a blast with friends, both in MRSM and here in UM. Sometimes, i wish to just drop dead or drop out. I miss my friends, and wonder what the hell did i get myself into. Other times, i wish to take the more traditional way out : get married and stay home until i rot. The down side of that would be the fact that i can't cook, clean or babysit.
My apologies to the pessimistic tone of the post. The finals is in a month and to be honest I haven't been studying as much as I should. Weeks would pass before I even read through a chapter of my choice. But hey, no one to blame but myself. Friends come and go, and i quote from someone when i ask, do people talk to me because they have to or because they want to? Some people, i stay in contact with for old times' sake and i question whether it is worth it.
Well, at least i got that out of my system. If writing this didn't help; hey, at least I've tried.
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