The Schoolgirl Crush

Yay, i finally get to write on my blog again!!! Initially i thought it was going to be another event summary coz i've been rather busy but really, i just wanna write someTHING instead of reporting. Before i go on with my ramblings, i just want to mention a few things that has happened :

1) the whole of March i was busy with CRP, better known as 'the Maran thing'. I've only just submitted the 120-page report last week (whew!) n thank God its over. Thank you Chew Hua for not putting pressure on me for deadlines, and thank you Daniel, for keeping me awake to actually do the damn thing.

2) my baby (Baby J, Justin, my lil bunny) has passed away on April 16th. possible MVA. It was so sad. And u know what's worse? my lack of crying/mourning/emotion. I remember i was in love with that adorable lil thing when he was living with me in PJ. I even trained him to kiss my nose n stand up if he wants d carrot in my hand. In fact, he'd sit on my lap n eat from my hand. Chewing on cables, chewing on my files, eating newspaper, 'kacau' me studying just by being so irresistably cute. I miss my cayang...ok, i might just cry now

Back to the topic...the schoolgirl crush. I was talking to Shazwi (my friend from waaay back, a.k.a my neighbour) about our old crushes back in school, and what its like bumping into them again after so long. And you know what, unbelievably, sometimes the heart still skips a beat! Then you notice yourself grinning, looking all silly...and then the giggling, hoping not to blush. Hey, even i can blush under extreme circimstances...usually its my sis who notices. Me, i tend to purse my lips with a weird-looking grin in an attempt not to blush and to hide my embarassment!!!

So yeah, the schoolgirl crush. Not so much of the crush you had back in school...but the feeling of having a crush that makes u feel and react like a giggling, silly, dumb, pubescent schoolgirl again. Haha. Shazwi and i agreed that we don't know whether to like it or not. On one hand, its good coz you're happy n cheerful, in a way releasing that inner child. On the other hand, it betrays all the wisdom and intelligence you've gained after all these years. U mean to say even now as adults u react the same way you did as kids? no way,man!!! But, we do. Crap.

Surprisingly how powerful an apparently-innocent crush can be. I used to have crushes just for amusement in class, or eye-candy, or just purely gossip purposes. Face it, that IS the 'juicy stuff' everybody loves to talk about. Nevermind. Point is, it resets everything to zero and you're still the same kid reacting the same way so, it is important just to keep yourself grounded and aware of this vortex. Its hard to escape, and once in it you don't see anything else. Its a fun feeling, sure, but dont let it suck the brains right out of you.

Now that we are at THAT AGE, will this schoolgirl crush develop into something more meaningful? God knows, coz I don't! As i've always said, you'll never know on'es true intentions. Same goes if you're in a relationship, regardless how long you've know each other or how 'in love' you perceive yourselves to be. Seriously. Trust and respect are qualities that need to be earned, not given. Once granted, they need maintenance. Too much abuse and it ruins evrything. So girls out there, don't blow evrything out of proportions when it comes to your 'man'. Things they say, things they do, may mean nothing at all. You are in 'the zone', the vortex that has distorted your frame of mind and clouded your judgement. You are indeed, delusional. Hahahaha.....

As my friend always says, enjoy the feeling while you have it. But, i will add, that make sure you keep yourself grounded and don't get your hopes up coz you'll never know their true intentions. Good or bad. Easier said than done, but its worth sparing yourself the indignity and pain of potential heartbreak. After all, once the man is gone and you're all alone, tear-stricken and exploding with emotions, you will be crawling back to your friends for sanctuary. If you're lucky (meaning you've still been nice to your friends while you were caught up with that sorry-a$$) they'll take you in. If not, either its time for apologies or thanks for the memories.

So yeah. I've never really been in a relationship. Nor have i had a schoolgirl crush in a long time. But, always being the ears and shoulders these girls come to cry on, i learn. Hence, dubbing myself as Women's Crisis Centre. As we grow up, we are capable of experiencing more emotions, more feelings, and be in different states of mind, regardless of the circumstances. And through this growth, and through the experience of others, you'll discover what you want and what's right for you.

That's all from me now. Its good to ramble once in a while, be it for your own healing or for the benefit of your audience. So, till next time, see u when i see u. Sayonara! Take Care, *muahks*.