The 15th of May has come and gone....so apparently, i am 1 year older. I am now 22...no longer 21. Didn't even get drunk (i am SO pure).
Being a young adult is a lot like being a kid; in a sense that you go through a tremendous amount of growth within a short period of time. At least that's what I think. At 18, you're embracing your newfound freedom. At 19, you're starting University/College. At 20, you are looking at the prospects of your future career or other directions u may want to pursue. As for me, my grandmothers are hinting of boyfriends and marriage, which freaks the hell outta me. Then at 21, the whole 'adulthood' thing finally hits : makes me think of responsibilities (especially concerning my sis and family), domestic chores and basically managing my life. Gotta get a sense of who you are and a sense of purpose. On the other hand, it makes me feel freaked coz there's so much to learn; books aside. So many things to do, so little time. With this sense of 'adulthood' as well, i want to have fun, and I aint reporting to noone.
And now I'm 22. Again, the grandmas and my mum talks of boyfriends & marriage & grandchildren. Although usually jokingly, but sometimes I do become suddenly aware that I am single. And that i'm a woman. God...My mum married at the age of 23. MJ married and had my dad at 21. Maktok F I'm not sure, but also in her early 20s. So at 22, comes the realization that 'the future' (read : working, independent living, marriage & kids) really ain't that far ahead. Technically, it IS within the 5-year plan.
Well, i had a quiet birthday here in Klang. At midnight there were a bunch of SMSes, and a few phone calls. Friendster testimonials, Facebook posts, YM msgs. The sweetest thing came from the darling Leong Yin Hui, my classmate. She came to my room at midnight, holding a makeshift A4-paper box, with a jelly doughnut and a lit candle inside. She sang Happy Birthday, I made a wish and blew out my birthday candle. She's such a gem. I'm sure her bf Chew Hua also had something to do with it. Thank you very much guys, I wish you guys a lifetime of happiness. Another unexpected event was a shared gift from K.Amriana, Fairuz, Farizan and Zaimie. It was a plaque with a nice message on it. It caught me by surprise because 1) i wasn't expecting presents from anyone 2) i'm not even that close to them. We hangout as classmates, sure. Except K.Am though, I hang around her room a lot. She is next door after all. So it was sweet. Deanna also gave me a doughnut after hearing what Yin Hui did and i thought it was cute, her gesture.
I spent d whole day in my room. Supposed to hangout with my sis, but both of us got up at 3pm (well, we were on YM till 6am!). So i decided to just surf the net and clean my room at my own pace. I'm still not done yet! I don't care what time i finish as long as i'm satisfied. Mazuin called and insisted I do SOMETHING on my birthday, so for her sake I went for McD drive-thru. There you go. I'm hanging out with my sis tomorrow, to make up for what we missed today.
With the recent turn of events, I think my turning 22 will be about growing as a woman. As a person sure, I've grown a lot (relatively speaking) but as a woman, not so much. So yeah, i WILL learn to cook. I don't care if its cooking up basic meals or expanding my menu on baking and desserts, as long as I'm familiarizing with the kitchen. At least i'll have something to fall back on. Cleaning i can do. I may not do it very often, but i can do it nonetheless. Just not like clockwork, yet. Sewing...buttons, hooks, clasps are OK. Torn seams are OK. Just can't patch up holes. But i'm doing fine, right? Cooking sucks. I'm 22 and haven't boiled an egg in my life. I dont even know how to peel fruits or cut up vege, let alone prep or clean meats. But baking, not so hopeless (refer previous post, The glory of FOOD). The final task would be babysitting, hahaha. Lets just wait til i get my own kid for that.
Just writing this gives me palpitations. About the future, about growing up. But its good. It needs to be done. Come to think about it....the future...will it be possible to juggle Medicine, Family and Theatre? What about time for myself? Nevermind. For now, just pass medical school and learn to live by yourself. At least if all else fails, you can survive. Haha. Happy Birthday, Dima Marlina and wishing you peace, love and happiness. Adios.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The Schoolgirl Crush
Yay, i finally get to write on my blog again!!! Initially i thought it was going to be another event summary coz i've been rather busy but really, i just wanna write someTHING instead of reporting. Before i go on with my ramblings, i just want to mention a few things that has happened :
1) the whole of March i was busy with CRP, better known as 'the Maran thing'. I've only just submitted the 120-page report last week (whew!) n thank God its over. Thank you Chew Hua for not putting pressure on me for deadlines, and thank you Daniel, for keeping me awake to actually do the damn thing.
2) my baby (Baby J, Justin, my lil bunny) has passed away on April 16th. possible MVA. It was so sad. And u know what's worse? my lack of crying/mourning/emotion. I remember i was in love with that adorable lil thing when he was living with me in PJ. I even trained him to kiss my nose n stand up if he wants d carrot in my hand. In fact, he'd sit on my lap n eat from my hand. Chewing on cables, chewing on my files, eating newspaper, 'kacau' me studying just by being so irresistably cute. I miss my cayang...ok, i might just cry now
Back to the topic...the schoolgirl crush. I was talking to Shazwi (my friend from waaay back, a.k.a my neighbour) about our old crushes back in school, and what its like bumping into them again after so long. And you know what, unbelievably, sometimes the heart still skips a beat! Then you notice yourself grinning, looking all silly...and then the giggling, hoping not to blush. Hey, even i can blush under extreme circimstances...usually its my sis who notices. Me, i tend to purse my lips with a weird-looking grin in an attempt not to blush and to hide my embarassment!!!
So yeah, the schoolgirl crush. Not so much of the crush you had back in school...but the feeling of having a crush that makes u feel and react like a giggling, silly, dumb, pubescent schoolgirl again. Haha. Shazwi and i agreed that we don't know whether to like it or not. On one hand, its good coz you're happy n cheerful, in a way releasing that inner child. On the other hand, it betrays all the wisdom and intelligence you've gained after all these years. U mean to say even now as adults u react the same way you did as kids? no way,man!!! But, we do. Crap.
Surprisingly how powerful an apparently-innocent crush can be. I used to have crushes just for amusement in class, or eye-candy, or just purely gossip purposes. Face it, that IS the 'juicy stuff' everybody loves to talk about. Nevermind. Point is, it resets everything to zero and you're still the same kid reacting the same way so, it is important just to keep yourself grounded and aware of this vortex. Its hard to escape, and once in it you don't see anything else. Its a fun feeling, sure, but dont let it suck the brains right out of you.
Now that we are at THAT AGE, will this schoolgirl crush develop into something more meaningful? God knows, coz I don't! As i've always said, you'll never know on'es true intentions. Same goes if you're in a relationship, regardless how long you've know each other or how 'in love' you perceive yourselves to be. Seriously. Trust and respect are qualities that need to be earned, not given. Once granted, they need maintenance. Too much abuse and it ruins evrything. So girls out there, don't blow evrything out of proportions when it comes to your 'man'. Things they say, things they do, may mean nothing at all. You are in 'the zone', the vortex that has distorted your frame of mind and clouded your judgement. You are indeed, delusional. Hahahaha.....
As my friend always says, enjoy the feeling while you have it. But, i will add, that make sure you keep yourself grounded and don't get your hopes up coz you'll never know their true intentions. Good or bad. Easier said than done, but its worth sparing yourself the indignity and pain of potential heartbreak. After all, once the man is gone and you're all alone, tear-stricken and exploding with emotions, you will be crawling back to your friends for sanctuary. If you're lucky (meaning you've still been nice to your friends while you were caught up with that sorry-a$$) they'll take you in. If not, either its time for apologies or thanks for the memories.
So yeah. I've never really been in a relationship. Nor have i had a schoolgirl crush in a long time. But, always being the ears and shoulders these girls come to cry on, i learn. Hence, dubbing myself as Women's Crisis Centre. As we grow up, we are capable of experiencing more emotions, more feelings, and be in different states of mind, regardless of the circumstances. And through this growth, and through the experience of others, you'll discover what you want and what's right for you.
That's all from me now. Its good to ramble once in a while, be it for your own healing or for the benefit of your audience. So, till next time, see u when i see u. Sayonara! Take Care, *muahks*.
1) the whole of March i was busy with CRP, better known as 'the Maran thing'. I've only just submitted the 120-page report last week (whew!) n thank God its over. Thank you Chew Hua for not putting pressure on me for deadlines, and thank you Daniel, for keeping me awake to actually do the damn thing.
2) my baby (Baby J, Justin, my lil bunny) has passed away on April 16th. possible MVA. It was so sad. And u know what's worse? my lack of crying/mourning/emotion. I remember i was in love with that adorable lil thing when he was living with me in PJ. I even trained him to kiss my nose n stand up if he wants d carrot in my hand. In fact, he'd sit on my lap n eat from my hand. Chewing on cables, chewing on my files, eating newspaper, 'kacau' me studying just by being so irresistably cute. I miss my cayang...ok, i might just cry now
Back to the topic...the schoolgirl crush. I was talking to Shazwi (my friend from waaay back, a.k.a my neighbour) about our old crushes back in school, and what its like bumping into them again after so long. And you know what, unbelievably, sometimes the heart still skips a beat! Then you notice yourself grinning, looking all silly...and then the giggling, hoping not to blush. Hey, even i can blush under extreme circimstances...usually its my sis who notices. Me, i tend to purse my lips with a weird-looking grin in an attempt not to blush and to hide my embarassment!!!
So yeah, the schoolgirl crush. Not so much of the crush you had back in school...but the feeling of having a crush that makes u feel and react like a giggling, silly, dumb, pubescent schoolgirl again. Haha. Shazwi and i agreed that we don't know whether to like it or not. On one hand, its good coz you're happy n cheerful, in a way releasing that inner child. On the other hand, it betrays all the wisdom and intelligence you've gained after all these years. U mean to say even now as adults u react the same way you did as kids? no way,man!!! But, we do. Crap.
Surprisingly how powerful an apparently-innocent crush can be. I used to have crushes just for amusement in class, or eye-candy, or just purely gossip purposes. Face it, that IS the 'juicy stuff' everybody loves to talk about. Nevermind. Point is, it resets everything to zero and you're still the same kid reacting the same way so, it is important just to keep yourself grounded and aware of this vortex. Its hard to escape, and once in it you don't see anything else. Its a fun feeling, sure, but dont let it suck the brains right out of you.
Now that we are at THAT AGE, will this schoolgirl crush develop into something more meaningful? God knows, coz I don't! As i've always said, you'll never know on'es true intentions. Same goes if you're in a relationship, regardless how long you've know each other or how 'in love' you perceive yourselves to be. Seriously. Trust and respect are qualities that need to be earned, not given. Once granted, they need maintenance. Too much abuse and it ruins evrything. So girls out there, don't blow evrything out of proportions when it comes to your 'man'. Things they say, things they do, may mean nothing at all. You are in 'the zone', the vortex that has distorted your frame of mind and clouded your judgement. You are indeed, delusional. Hahahaha.....
As my friend always says, enjoy the feeling while you have it. But, i will add, that make sure you keep yourself grounded and don't get your hopes up coz you'll never know their true intentions. Good or bad. Easier said than done, but its worth sparing yourself the indignity and pain of potential heartbreak. After all, once the man is gone and you're all alone, tear-stricken and exploding with emotions, you will be crawling back to your friends for sanctuary. If you're lucky (meaning you've still been nice to your friends while you were caught up with that sorry-a$$) they'll take you in. If not, either its time for apologies or thanks for the memories.
So yeah. I've never really been in a relationship. Nor have i had a schoolgirl crush in a long time. But, always being the ears and shoulders these girls come to cry on, i learn. Hence, dubbing myself as Women's Crisis Centre. As we grow up, we are capable of experiencing more emotions, more feelings, and be in different states of mind, regardless of the circumstances. And through this growth, and through the experience of others, you'll discover what you want and what's right for you.
That's all from me now. Its good to ramble once in a while, be it for your own healing or for the benefit of your audience. So, till next time, see u when i see u. Sayonara! Take Care, *muahks*.
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