Dreams

For the most part of my life I've been having this recurring dream...I think it started when i was in SGGS, but I'm not quite sure. In the dream i would lose my teeth. Teeth would just spill out from my mouth, kinda like popcorn spilling out from the cooking pot.

The dream would start with normal daily conversations, or me eating cereal, which would be interrupted when i felt something hard in my mouth. I'd take it out, puzzled because I had apparently lost a tooth. In some dreams, i'd locate the gap and feel my squiggly, newly-exposed gums. Then i would just carry on as if nothing happened, but more and more teeth start falling off, and they'll start to spill out of my mouth. The rate of them falling would increase and eventually I can't spit them out in time, and I'm stuffed with teeth. I'd be so confused and panicked : Why are the falling off? How many teeth do i actually have? How do i make it stop?

Well, in MRSM I read a magazine article about 'decoding' dreams. That article said dreaming about losing teeth (be it a tooth lose within its socket or actually detached) signifies the loss of a loved one or of the fear thereof. I was skeptical. I've been having this dreams for a couple of years already and yet noone arounf me has died. I'm not in a relationship hence no lover is leaving me. Among friends, well I wasn't in any major aguments/disputes. I know dreams don't necessarily mean anything, but wouldn't anyone be curious if it keeps coming back?

Anyway the dreams continued and in PASUM I found another article about dreams. This one said that losing teeth is symbolic of losing control over something. On the other hand, it is about keeping a secret and hoping noone ever finds out. Almost like a state of desperation. Now it makes more sense. There is truth to that interpretetion; I felt somwhat vulnerable and exposed just reading those few lines. Me being me, I wasn't about to believe it anyway. Until...

A couple of months ago, someone I cared about very deeply had left me for good. Guess I already saw it coming, but that precisely is the deadly beauty of hope. I've prepared myself a year ago and yet I still lingered. On the outside I've let everything go, banished the prized posessions and deeper connections. Ironic, how this very act has condemned me to my solitude in wishful thinking; to live in your mind is to live in the devil's playing field. I am now vulnerable to my own dangerous mind where EVERYTHING is possible.

Wanna know what's interesting? I don't have those dreams anymore.

I lost my loved one. I have nothing to hide. I no longer see the point of being in control.

You can make your own conclusions.

So long, my friends. Have a great life.